As a dating coach for women, I (not surprisingly) get asked all the time about how to turn a guy on.
Women I meet ask me to give them insider tips on how to attract a man initially, as well as how to turn a guy on in the bedroom. While there are some obvious ways to get his motor running, I wanted to cover the more off-the-wall turn-ons you ladies might not be aware of when it comes to guys.
Yes, leave it to me to create a video on weird-ass things that make a guy hot. But hey, I want you to have every tool possible to attract a man and keep him interested in you.
This isn’t an article about your fresh highlights and Brazilian, girls. It’s about to get real honest up in here. You ready?
P.S. If you need a little help in the confidence department, check out my 21 Days to Sexy Confidence Program. You’re not born with confidence necessarily, and you can develop it over time. I guarantee by the end of three weeks, you’ll know how to feel sexy and how to turn a guy on like a light switch.
Learning how to turn a guy on isn’t about getting freaky in bed.
Have you ever thought how weird sex in itself is?
If aliens traveled across the galaxy to finally study humans to see what we do, they’d probably be really impressed by us, by our intelligence, and by our cell phones. But then if they witnessed how we had sex, they’d be like What the hell is this?
What strange battle is going on here?
Is he hurting her?
Why is she screaming?
And that would just be with regular sex.
Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us are into some sort of super-duper freaky weird stuff. A recent study showed that a whopping 75% of people have at least one fetish!
I’m not asking you to share you’re deepest sex turn-on secrets, but you know what I’m talking about.
Guys are the same.
Understanding how to turn a guy on is being open to the fact that a guy you get intimate with may possibly have a fetish or unusual interest in the bedroom.
For example, some men are turned on by feet.
Yes, those things that you walk around on every single day, that you probably don’t pay much attention to, beyond making sure your pedi is on point.
I’m getting off subject, because this article is not about fetishes or weird sexual preferences. I’m not going to tell you that your guy is into furries or S&M (though…he might be. But that’s your business).
What I do want to talk about is seven things that most of you women will probably find a little bit weird but that most guys, at least the majority of us, are actually into. Knowing these seven magical things will help you learn how to turn a guy on in no time.
How to Turn a Guy On #1: Love Your Body (No Matter the Shape or Size)
Men love women of all shapes.
Ladies, I want you to stop believing that men are only into very skinny, petite women. Yes, that’s what you tend to see on the cover of Cosmo or any type of fashion magazines that you might be reading. I get that you might hold yourself up to this ideal, but I have one word for you:
Those models don’t look that good in real life. They’re Photoshopped within a inch of their lives to look amazing. But it’s not reality.
What is the reality, you ask? Actually, it might surprise you: studies show that the average size female is size 16.
And you’re trying to tell me that guys are only turned on by stick figure size 0? Uh uh.
I’m not buying it. That would leave a ton of women alone in the world, and that’s just not true.
For you more voluptuous women out there, I need you to hear me: men are into women of all shapes and sizes.
Don’t believe me? Google it. You’ll find 34 million results for “men love skinny women…”
And 52 million results for “men love fat women.”
So clearly I’m not making this up.
There are over 488 million “BBW sites,” which feature Big Beautiful Women (most are pornography, so I won’t link to them, but if you’re curious, Google it).
There are men who are turned on by every body type: curvy, chubby, overweight, athletic, twiggy, you name it.
So for you larger women out there who don’t fit the fashion model stereotype, be rest assured there are definitely guys out there who want to be with you and your incredibly beautiful body.
So if you want to know how to turn a guy on, own your body.
Be confident in it, even if you’ve put on a few pounds.
Once he sees you in that lacy red bra, he’s not going to be judging your weight or your muffin top. You are. So let it go and be body confident.
How to Turn a Guy On #2: Play Some Music
Get your Kenny G on in the bedroom.
I found this recent survey interesting: respondents said that music playing in the background is 40% more likely to turn them on than the touch or feel of their partner. And the study also found that if you want to know how to turn a guy on, you should play…
Wait for it…
The Dirty Dancing soundtrack.
Yep. Because nobody puts Baby in a corner.
So the next time your lover comes over, make sure you’re playing some sexy Ella Fitzgerald…or Color Me Badd in the background. It would be helpful if you knew what kind of music got him in the mood, so you might pay attention to his reaction to certain songs.
[You play George Michael, I Want Your Sex]
Him: Wow, this song makes me want to pull out my acid washed jeans and hair gel!
[You play LL Cool J, Doin’ It]
Him: I represent Queen, she was raised out in Brooklyn.
[You play Marvin Gaye, Let’s Get It On]
Him: Bow chicka wow wow!
How to Turn a Guy On #3: Look Like Your Guy
Looking like your mate may make you attractive to him.
Bear with me.
According to a study led by the University of Montpellier, it appears that we are actually attracted to people that look like us.
Have you ever noticed that people sometimes look like their dogs, and vice versa? The same seems to happen to people too.
I personally know a ton of people who look just like their partner, and it is freaky! You might know someone in your life who is dating someone who looks like they could be their brother or their sister. I don’t know why it is. Maybe the longer you’re with someone, you start looking like them. Maybe you’re just attracted to people who look similar to you because, hey, you’re awesome. Why not?
I wouldn’t mind looking more like my gorgeous girlfriend, actually…
So if you want to know how to turn a guy on, try aligning your look with his. No, I’m not saying shave your head to look like your bald boyfriend. Maybe start dressing more like him. If he’s uber preppy and you prefer the goth look, maybe incorporate a few Polo shirts with your Doc Martens and see if he notices.
How to Turn a Guy On #4: Use Your Sexy Voice (When You’re Fertile)
When you’re fertile, you’re sexy.
Wait! Don’t leave. I’m not crazy. Science backs me up on this one.
A study in a psychology behavior magazine showed something really interesting: the voices of women who were in a high fertility phase were played for men.
The result? They sent tingles up the men’s spines.
It seems like, even if it’s subconsciously, the cave man inside us recognizes when you’re highly fertile. It’s in our DNA to be attracted to you at that time of the month. Now, a guy may not want to impregnate you on a conscious level, but his lizard brain is telling him he wants you.
So this might be a reason to find one of those apps that tells you when you’re fertile; not because you want to get pregnant but because you want to attract a man and discover how to turn a man on. When you’re ovulating, go out to the bars with your girlfriends, or invite your dude over.
How to Turn a Guy On #5: Be Selfless and Giving
Be giving and he’ll want you even more.
Studies show that altruism — basically the selfless concern for the well being of others — is appealing to men.
A study by the British Journal of Psychology showed that the more altruistic you are, the more likely you are to have a ton of sex. This may have evolved by sexual selection.
If you think about it, it really makes sense.
If you go back to when we lived back in tribes, a man goes hunting and he kills a boar.
He brings this wild boar home, and he’s super excited that he has this amazing kill.
If he just grilled that animal in the corner and ate it all himself, everyone would be like, dude are you serious? You’re not gonna share it with the rest of us?
You ladies wouldn’t be interested in that selfish loser. However, if he came back and shared it with the entire tribe, and if he was the type of person who wanted to go hunting and provide for everyone — not because he’s a selfish person but because he wants to give back — you would be so hot for him.
Damn, Smerg is so hot, in spite of his unibrow! I so want that guy! Right after I eat some boar.
The same concept works for men.
And I can certainly speak for myself on this one. I find it incredibly attractive when a woman steps outside of herself and does something for other people when she’s not necessarily concerned about herself. Being the type of person who gives back without expecting something in return is absolutely how to turn a guy on.
So be a good person. Not only is helping others a good thing for your karma, but it also means you’ll have an awesome life with lots of sex.
Altruism is hot. And quite frankly, it’s just a good way to live your life.
How to Turn a Guy On #6: Put the Fear of Gawd into Him
A scared man is a hot man.
Fear, surprisingly, is an element you need to know in how to turn a guy on.
There was a study where they took two groups of men. One group of guys was put on top of a suspension bridge towering 230 feet in the air that might have wobbled a bit. No surprise they freaked out a little.
The second group was placed on a secure bridge. After that, an attractive female interviewed these men. Those who were absolutely terrified at the top of the bridge were more aroused by the woman than the guys who weren’t scared, and they gave more risqué answers.
I have no idea what part sexual attraction plays in evolutionary psychology, or why we are that way. But it makes sense. Who hasn’t watched a scary movie and just wanted to get completely freaky at the end of the movie?
So here’s how to turn a guy on using fear: do something scary on your next date. Watch a scary movie together. Or go skydiving. If he’s scared of spiders, maybe you slip one on his shoulder. Get his heart racing with fear…then get it racing in other ways.
How to Turn a Guy On #7: Feed Him Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
Chocolate-covered strawberries are sexy!
There’s a reason why chocolate-covered strawberries are a hot commodity on Valentine’s Day.
Recently the online dating site, Zoosk, came out with a survey where they asked their users what type of food they found to be the sexiest.
The number one response from both men and women?
Yep, 34% said they were the sexiest food. So if you’re planning a night in with your guy, make sure to pick up some chocolate and strawberries (as well as maybe a little whipped cream. I’m just sayin’.)
Be Suggestive, Not Graphic
I once talked to a group of women discussing what guys find attractive. One of them said it seems like guys only want photos of them naked. She felt like too many women did this and that being sexy while keeping your clothes on was a lost art. I thought about it and totally agree.
That’s why I advise women who want to turn on a guy slowly and without it being obvious, should focus on being suggestive. By giving away a lot, but not everything, you’re keeping him interested and focused on you. This gives him just enough to get aroused, but it leaves him wanting more. Even censored images were enough to get guys turned on according to one study.
Plus, by sending photos that are risque, but not outright graphic, you’re protecting yourself. You don’t want those pictures of yourself out there. And, unless you fully trust him, you don’t want him having access to those photos anyway. Keeping it sexy, but not going all the way over photo is not only making it less obvious, but it’s the smartest decision in a time when nothing truly disappears from the internet.
One of the best techniques you can use to know how to turn on a guy over text without it being obvious is to become good at the art of teasing. This means that you don’t give away everything, but simply provoke the guy’s interest in a playful, fun way.
The great thing about teasing is that it’s not completely obvious what you’re doing. Are you playing around? Or are you trying to turn him on?
The best way to tease him is to be playful and fun in a way that keeps him guessing. So, joke around sexually, send photos that are playful, but don’t reveal too much. Bring him into your world in an enjoyable way that also turns him on and makes him like you. Then, once he gives you what you want, you can move beyond teasing to whatever you please.
These tips should help you turn him on, but in a way that isn’t so blatantly obvious. Try them out and see how he reacts. It should make him like you even more, get him riled up for an evening of fun, or determine if a guy you like feels that way about you.
How To Turn Girls On
- Make deep, intense eye contact.
- Well, not *that* much eye contact. Don’t be weird.
- Now, let’s make out a little.
- Add some tongue.
- The right amount of tongue. Don’t force it down our fucking throats.
- Kiss us on that place on our necks.
- No, not there.
- Up a little bit. And to the right…
- Okay, that’s my chin. Stop.
- Tell us we’re beautiful.
- Actually no, whisper it in our ears.
- Ew okay, less hot breath.
- Manage to keep our attention even though our to-do lists are flashing before our eyes.
- I realize you’re grabbing my ass but I also need to put my clothes in the dryer so…
- Be hot.
- But like, approachable hot.
- Approachable, I-have-that-v-muscle-but-I-won’t-leave-you-for-some-skanky-girl-at-a-party hot.
- Make sure the lighting is good.
- And by that I mean make sure there’s as little lighting as possible.
- Preferable unscrew all of the lightbulbs in the apartment and hide them.
- And buy some of those, light-blocking curtains.
- Talk about how skinny our wrists are.
- And how sexy it is that we don’t have six-packs.
- But that you’d still think it was sexy *if* we had a six-pack because anything we do is sexy.
- Smell nice.
- And for the love of all that is holy, tell me I smell nice.
- Don’t even think about touching my vagina unless we’ve been making out for at least ten minutes.
- Don’t even look at my vagina.
- And when you *do* look at my vagina, give it a compliment.
- But nothing gross.
- Put your mouth right there.
- Ugh okay less teeth.
- Now just use your tongue in the exact right spot with the exact right amount of pressure using the perfect amount of spit for the perfect amount of time.
- WHEN I SAY KEEP GOING THAT DOES NOT MEAN SPEED UP AND DO IT HARDER IT MEANS KEEP DOING WHAT YOUR’E DOING.
- It’s gone.
- Start over.
- Remind us that your ex-girlfriend is dead.
- Or just that you don’t even care about her at all anymore and like, what even was her name?
- Pull my hair.
- Ouchhh. Don’t pull it pull it. God.
- “Can I have a glass of water? I’m thirsty.”
- Keep us hydrated.
- Wait yeah. Hold on. Let’s talk about that thing you said last week that sort of pissed us off.
- I really can’t get in the mood until we sort it out.
- Okay. Maybe go down on us again?
- And come on. Act like you’re into it. I know you’re using your hand and just pretending.
- Don’t you dare say the words “blow job.”
- Look like Chris Hemsworth.
- Be Chris Hemsworth.
How To Turn Guys On
- Be the sexual orientation they’re attracted to.
- Have a hole they can put their penis in.
- Maybe jump up and down a little bit or bend over or something?
Gosh, it must be hard to be a guy..
Image via Shutterstock