Prepare for different responses
Maintain ongoing support
Some useful ways to start a conversation
Prepare for different responses
When you open yourself up and say something real, most people respond with respect. But sometimes people don’t have the skill-set to respond in a helpful way. It’s important to keep in mind that you might encounter different responses when you reach out for a hand in your fight against depression – and to not be deterred if you don’t find what you’re looking for right away.
Maintain ongoing support
Getting support from friends and family members can lift some weight from your shoulders as you work toward overcoming depression. But just as depression can wear you down, it can wear other people down too. Here are some tips to keep in mind so you don’t burn out your supports.
Some useful ways to start a conversation
The list below includes some useful ways to start a conversation when reaching out to a friend or family member.
- “I’ve been having a hard time lately. Getting really stressed out. You mind if I bounce some ideas off you?”
- “I’ve been pretty stressed lately and could use someone to shoot the shit with. When might be a good time to chat?”
- “I’ve been feeling a bit off for a while – kind of moody and stressed out. Have you noticed anything different about me lately?”
- “I’ve been feeling off for a while now. Have you ever found yourself in a funk that was hard to get out of?”
- “I haven’t been feeling myself lately. Little things seem to be really getting to me and it’s been hard to keep up with things. Not quite sure how to turn the ship around. Do you have any suggestions?”
- “I made an appointment with my doctor the other day and he thinks I might be suffering from depression. I don’t really know much about depression. How about you?”
- “My doctor recommended seeing a counsellor. But it’s tough trying to find one, let alone figure out if they are good or not. Would you be able to give me a hand to figure out where I can go?”
- “I’m really falling behind on some chores. When are you getting groceries next? Maybe we can go together.”
- “I want to get out more these days but I don’t have the energy. If you can think of something to do and plan it out, I’ll be more likely to get my ass out of the house.”
Watch Tip Videos: Rich, Starting a Conversation, and Mitchell, Talking to Friends and Family.
How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox
I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).
That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.
You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:
- Google Docs (what I use)
- Microsoft Word
- Microsoft Excel
- A physical notepad
It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.
Action step: Create your Story Toolbox
Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.
If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.
- What did you talk about?
- What made everyone laugh?
- Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?
Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.
2. Use those eyes
They are your single best weapon for meeting men, the greatest flirting tool you have in your entire showing-him-you’re-interested arsenal.
And yet, for what they are, so few women know how to use them.
You can communicate more core emotion with your eyes than you ever can speaking. Men shudder at the thought of a scolding glare from a women and dream every day of the look she gives when she wants him to take her. Your eyes can communicate love through hate and everything in between. But for the purposes of today, you just want to learn to communicate one thing
“I’m interested. Come over here.”
Few women know how to actually do this. For most, using their eyes means catching a fleeting bit of eye contact with him and then wondering why he hasn’t come over… and assuming it was because he just wasn’t interested (hint: rarely true).
What these women are failing to understand is this.
Men are stupid.
Actually, that’s not quite true. Stupid might be the wrong word. ‘Blissfully oblivious and unaware’ might be more accurate when it comes to reading women’s signals.
When you catch a fleeting glance with a guy and then look away, most guys will either assume.
A) You were bored
B) You were looking for your boyfriend, or;
C) There is something wrong with his shirt
I’m not joking ladies.“That woman wants me to come over” is about 18th on his list of possible reasons as to why you looked at him.
Not only that, approaching for a guy is really scary. It’s important to understand this, because it will raise your awareness of just how obvious you have to make your invitation signals to get him to overcome his fear. Most guys (without alcohol) won’t even approach a girl in a nightclub, where it is socially acceptable, let alone a gym, a supermarket, or on the street.
Men have been programmed, neurologically, for thousands of years to fear approaching women. To hesitate frequently and pick our times. For hundreds of generations, entire communities consisted of small tribes, containing less than 100 people, and that meant less than 10 women as healthy young single options for a man’s entire life. As such, men learned to pick their moments, because one wrong move, and all 10 women in that tribe could find out what a douche he was, and he’d be out of luck for life.
You want to learn to communicate one thing. “I’m interested. Come over here.”
For this reason, tell almost any sober guy to approach a girl he doesn’t know (especially, if she’s with her friends), and he’ll freezeup, get scared, and refuse. I’ve seen numerous male strippers literally baulk at the idea of approaching a girl in the shops on an average day. And they’re strippers! How do you think it is for the average guy?
Thus, for most men, eye contact has to be far more obvious than you probably ever realised. When I coach eye contact with women, they often feel ‘uncomfortable’ when I get them to hold it for as long as it takes to get through to the guy. But this is exactly the kind of eye contact that gets you noticed! 3-4 seconds of rock solid eye contact (this is a really long time; try staring into a friend’s eyes for 3-4 seconds!) on a guy that is walking and a full 2-3 seconds on a guy standing still is a good number. This process often has to be repeated again 5 minutes later, because as I mentioned, men are stupid and rarely get the memo the first time. Hopefully, once you’ve repeated yourself, the thought of, “Oh, hey, I think that girl wants me to come over???!” eventually, enters his head.
In addition to eye contact, a close runner up in importance in getting a guy’s attention is your smile. Remember, guys naturally fear the approach. It’s bred into us. But the more we feel you want us to approach and the more we feel we aren’t going to get rejected cold on our asses, the more likely we are to actually do it.
A smile to a guy is an invitation. A green light. It says, “If you come over here and have the balls to at least try your luck, I’m not going to blow you out cold for every one to see.” Eye contact, on its own, can come off cold and even threatening. But long eye contact with a nice smile is the perfect inviting signal to make it really easy for a guy to get over his in-born hesitancies and come say hi.
Not only that, but smiling at strangers in social settings is, generally, just a good habit. Especially when you’re in an environment where you can or should potentially meet everyone (a wedding, work networking event, seminar, etc..), a smile is what makes you warm for people to approach and make friends. You’ll be the person who’s out there, introducing people and talking to everyone. And of course, if you’re meeting everyone, meeting the hottest guy there happens all too naturally!
4. Have a fun vibe to you that exudes positive energy
There’s nothing sexier than a girl who’s in her own world and loving it, without the need for anyone else to validate her fun. Two girls could dress the same, look the same, and both have their eye contact and smiles down-pat, but if one is overly concerned with how other people perceive her and getting guys’ attention, while the other is just having a blast, dancing around, maybe having a banter with the guys, then running off to have fun with the girls, she’s going to be the one who gets the guys’ attention. Every. Single. Time.
When a girl is in her own world, having this kind of fun, but then is able to stack a great smile and eye contact on top, she’ll turn the heads of every guy in the room. She won’t need guys’ attention; she can be herself, enjoy meeting people she doesn’t know, banter with everyone, and be sexual/playful with the guys. This all communicates incredible levels of confidence that guys will swoon for.
Finally, being touchy (not just with him, but with everyone you meet!) will seal the deal when it comes to getting attention.
Touching is an innocent, but extremely, effective way to show affection and build rapport. Of course, you can also break rapport with touching (you don’t want to end up the creeper, who’s weirdly all over the guy). So as with all things, touching has to be managed in a ‘normal’, not overbearing way. Playfully punching him when he says something dumb or makes fun of you, hugging everyone around, or having a close dance with lots of different people are great examples of socially acceptable ways to touch people.
If you’re worried or unsure, the easiest way to make sure your touch isn’t weird is to make sure it’s based on something fun or exciting. Anytime the conversation spikes up, someone new comes in, a fun song comes on, or a guy teases you is a point where some form of playful touch is appropriate.
“Knowing how to get a guy’s attention literally gives you the power to meet any guy you want at any time.”
In conclusion, remember, there’s a hell of a lot more to getting attention than physical looks. Your eye contact, your smile, your energy in the room, and how you touch people will all determine the attention you get and how attractive you appear to the guy you want. Get just ONE of these down, and guys will notice you. Get 2-3 of them sorted, and you can guarantee you’ll be getting attention from guys all night. All 5? Congratulations. You now have the power to get the attention of any man you desire. Use it wisely.