How to stop watching porn

Let’s imagine you and some friends were playing basketball, and I walked up to the person who had the ball, and I asked him, “Hey can I have the ball?” He says, “Sure!” And he tosses me the ball. Then, while I have the ball in my hands I ask him again, “Hey can I have the ball?” With a strange face and a still body he replies, “You already have it… It’s right there in your hands.” But again, I respond with the same question, but this time, I get on my knees passionately and say, “Please… can I have the ball?” He looks around at everyone watching our interaction, wonders if I’m mentally stable and then blurts out, “YOU ALREADY HAVE IT!”

Sadly, this is the same type of prayer dialogue Christian porn addicts have with God. A conversation where men kneel down and beg for the freedom, victory, and strength that God has already given to them.

Despite receiving the Gospel, becoming a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), receiving the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13), having the ability to walk in the liberty by which Christ has made us free (Galatians 5:1), these men still believe they are in an impenetrable dungeon with walls too thick for the healing power of Jesus.

It all stems from a lie. In the words of my mentor, “If you believe wrong, you’ll never live strong.”

That is to say, if the Gospel you believe can only save you from some sin while leaving you in a dungeon with the rest of it, is Christianity really “Good News?” When you tell others about Christ do you say, “Accept Christ as your Savior! His death and resurrection can make you free, but He isn’t capable of freeing you from pornography.”

Sadly, this is the Gospel of which many men have subscribed— a false and fraudulent imitation that leaves husbands, fathers, and sons begging for the prison door keys that are hanging around their neck.

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Christian, there are over 100 Scriptures which speak to the freedom and victory we have over sin through Christ Jesus. Either the Bible isn’t true, or you believe a lie—I’m siding with the latter and here’s why…

Years ago, I believed a false Gospel. I believed that I could have my pornography habit and Heaven too. I believed that this sin would be an inevitable struggle where I would just have to put the “ask forgiveness” button on repeat.

That was until I heard the Truth. That was until someone was willing to show me what God had already said on the matters of sexual immorality, repentance, healing, and power. Below, I have summarized those lessons for you.

2. Pornography Doesn’t Happen To You, You Choose It

Too many Christians and too many churches have catered to pornography viewing brothers (and sisters) by acknowledging it as something that’s uncontrollable. Some Christians have even tried to elevate its power by labeling it an “addiction”—a state of brokenness which I guess is too far for the Gospel to reach. Their version of the Bible must read, “You are free! (unless you are addicted).

The truth is, addiction is merely a biological response to sinful behavior. It is not a territory too remote for the healing power of Jesus Christ. There is no biblical support that addiction can separate you from the truth and power of God’s Word. There is no biblical evidence that addiction can keep you from choosing to walk in righteousness.

So while Christian porn viewers believe their “addiction” forces them to sin, it’s simply not true. Sin doesn’t happen to us, we choose it. It’s not your phone’s fault, it’s not your computer’s fault, it’s not your faulty pornography accountability software’s fault, and it’s not even the pornography’s fault. It’s your fault. Your sin is your choice.

In other words, the Bible tells us you aren’t a victim of your sin but you are a victor over it.

Colossians 3:5 in the ESV tells us, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” That is to say, you have the power to kill off your flesh’s desire for evil.

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1 Corinthians 15:34 brings further support by bluntly stating, “Awake to righteousness, and do not sin;” Another direct call to the power we have to choose what is right. But most importantly, Romans 6:12-14 declares, “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members (your body parts) as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you.

Christian men, you are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus. You are a victor over the sin in your life. Now, are you perfect? No. Can you live a sinless life? No. But do you have the power to win and win often? Yes. Do you have the power to choose not to sin? Yes. Do you have the ability to put to death the desire to look at pornography? Yes.

Relapse and Experimentation

I jokingly call it a “relapse,” but in early-February I was pulling 14-hour work days and not getting out much, so I hit up the good old YouPorn to blow off some… err, steam. Yeah, that’s it, blow off steam.

On my first return to porn post-reboot, a few things had changed:

  1. Porn I used to enjoy now felt excessive, dehumanizing and honestly, not very attractive. There were a few videos I saw where I couldn’t believe I used to watch stuff like that.
  2. I couldn’t help but notice how unhappy and inauthentic the girls in the videos often were. Not to say I haven’t noticed some of the actresses obviously faking their way through a scene in the past, but this was deeper. Like you could tell they just weren’t very happy people and didn’t have much self-respect. I know this both a) sounds weird to be thinking about while getting your fap on, and b) should not surprise anybody. But it actually became so apparent that it was hard for me to stay turned on in some cases.
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So what does this mean? Is porn the devil? Should you never watch it? Is it ruining your sex life as we speak?

I can only answer for myself. For me, yes, porn had a noticeable impact on my sex life and I’m much better off not watching it. And I know there are a number of guys on the forum who had far more dramatic benefits than I did. I will never go back to watching it regularly. I imagine I will watch it occasionally, most likely when I’m drunk and get home after a night of striking out. But it’s clear that if I watch it on any consistent basis for more than a few days, it negatively affects my sex life. I honestly wish I had stopped watching it years ago, as it would have saved me a lot of struggle for motivation and embarrassment in the bedroom.

So, if you believe you may suffer from porn addiction — you watch porn for up to an hour per session, you have trouble getting an erection without porn, or you watch porn which does not match your sexual orientation — then I highly recommend you do a full reboot and read www.yourbrainonporn.com.

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