How to start a conversation with a girl

How to Start a Conversation With a Girl

If you find it difficult to come up with things to talk about off the top of your head, this section is for you.

It’s important that you start a conversation with a girl on the right foot if you want her to become attracted to you.

Here are three great techniques for opening conversations indirectly. An indirect approach works because it allows you to spark awesome off-the-cuff conversations while still being yourself.

  • Technique #1 – Comment on something she’s holding or wearing. It can be a statement or a question. For example, if she’s holding a drink at a bar, ask her how she likes it. If she’s wearing unique shoes, find out where she got them. Pay attention to the details.
  • Technique #2 – Comment on something that’s happening around you both in the moment. For example, if you’re at a bar and there’s a band playing, make a comment about the singer’s voice. Again, being able to have conversations on the fly is all about paying attention to the details.
  • Technique #3 – Give her a compliment. This technique is a little more direct but it’s a great way to start a conversation with a girl who you’re interested in. The important thing with this one is to stay away from the obvious compliments that most guys would be giving her. If she’s got a tattoo, don’t compliment her on it. Too easy. Hair and piercings? No and nope. These are obvious and every other guy is complimenting her on those. You need to be unique to spark her interest, especially at the start of a conversation.

These techniques all involve starting with something personal. This makes it easier to connect with her. If you don’t start connecting right away, the conversation will quickly die and you’ll lose her interest.

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Check out this great video from Tripp Advice which breaks down these points:

What’s So Hard About Talking To Girls?

Nothing, really. They’re just people, after all.

Okay, alright, so some of them are brain-freezingly beautiful. We get that.

But just take a deep breath. And remember—you’re not alone. Lots of fellas struggle with relaxed chit-chat when they’re planted in a seat two feet away from women they find attractive.

Here are just a few reasons why conversation can be stilted and men struggle to talk to women:

  1. Lack of awareness. She’s not your mother or sister. And she’s definitely not one of the boys. Be aware of your company and the situation you’re in. Some men forget to adapt their conversation and behavior and it can set up a terrible convo and really put a woman off wanting to talk to you. It can also land you in the friend zone if the girl is a romantic interest. And romance and friend zone go together like almonds and gum.
  2. Lack of motivation. Maybe you’re just getting out of a relationship and can’t stop thinking about your ex (actually, this is a great reason to go on a date). Maybe you’ve been forced by your friends to go on the date and you’re not all that up for it. Or maybe, your low self-esteem makes you believe any effort is futile. Lack of motivation can be a real killer when it comes to good conversation. So, what can you do? Simple. Get off the couch and get in the game. You’ll feel a lot better for it.
  3. Lack of knowledge. Don’t get yourself involved in talking about something you know absolutely nothing about. Unless it’s a favorite subject of hers and you mention up front that you want her to teach you about it. There’s not much worse than seeing a dude spout off ignorant falsehoods because he feels threatened by a woman’s intelligence. If you do this, it will quite rightly make her want to stop talking to you.
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There you have it. There are a lot of topics here but don’t let that stress you out. Each one of them can lead to hours of stimulating conversation.

Do yourself (and mankind) a favor, though. Don’t talk about the weather, alright? Unless you’ve got a sneaking suspicion she’s dull.

Or a meteorologist. Or a dull meteorologist.

Interested in learning how to keep a conversation going from her perspective? Check out this excellent post by Mantelligence.


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Founder and Editor, The Adult Man. Gin sympathizer. Full stop enthusiast. Seeker of manly truths. Chat with me on Twitter @theadultman or via our contact page.

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