5. Plan your emotional recovery.
Time in itself won’t heal the wounds; identify where you feel the most hurt, wounded or victimised and set out to heal those areas. You don’t have to go through a betrayal alone. Seeking a therapist to help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment can help you make sense of your emotions and bring you a greater sense of peace.
At the end of the day, how you choose to respond to the affair is up to you. Some couples will choose to use it as a growing opportunity and become more honest and accountable to themselves and their partners. Others will choose to end the relationship then and there.
Whatever you decide make sure you are looking after yourself first and foremost, and seek help from a trained therapist if you need to.
Endings are invitations for a new beginning. If you have something you’ve always wanted to do, create or share, now’s the time to do it. The best creations were born out of a seeming loss. This website is one of them.
Sigh… it’s just so good.
Like rose oil this baby is great for protecting your heart in a strong yet gentle way. Put it under your pillow while you sleep, on your bedside table, on your window sill, on your desk at work, get a rose quartz pendant to hang near your heart. When anyone of my friends goes through a dark night of the soul, rose quartz is one of the first things I give them.
Write a list of all the things that are awesome about you. At the top of the page write “[insert name here]’s Lovables”. Number 1-20 and fill it out. Read your Lovables daily. Especially when doubting or feeling sorry for yourself.
Go to sleep with the warm light of electronic candles, fairy lights glowing and three drops of lavender essential oil on your pillow. Don’t forget to stretch out and delight in all of that extra space.
Agree on a set time for you and your ex to cease all contact. 6 months is a good amount of time to rediscover yourself individually from them. If you plan on being friends again you’ll both need time apart to redefine the energy and give your future friendship its best shot.
Your soundtrack to this part is Beyonce’s To the left, to the left
Physical objects hold energetic ties and if you are wanting to move on, you don’t want that stuff in your space. As hard as it is, give your whole house (especially the bedroom) an overhaul. Chuck out whatever does not make you feel good and anything that makes you miss the relationship. Cut those cords, babes. It might be hard, but it’s easier than holding on.
We are pack animals, we are not meant to go at it alone. When a relationship ends one of the things we lose is the constant human touch. When your friends and family ask you what they can do, instead of answering ‘nothing’, ask them for a hug. It makes a difference. If you can’t think of anyone to hug, hang out with a kid and ask them for one. They give the best hugs ever!
Buy yourself a ring that symbolizes the love you have for yourself, or hope to have with yourself. You could even write vows to yourself and your healing. Think of it as a union with your soul. A-freaking-men!
The fact of the matter is that when you are in mourning, there is nothing that anyone can do to make it better. But they can make you a cup of tea or dinner, or watch Sister Act 1 and 2. Don’t deny them that gift, let them hang and look after you.
Transform your heartbreak into higher love with the power of meditation. My Sourcing meditation (get a free copy here) is brilliant for this as it lets you be cradled and loved up by The Universe. And who doesn’t need a bit of cradling.
The secret blessing about breakups is that they are actually an invitation to work on the most important relationship you will ever have… The relationship with yourself. Take yourself to dinner, the movies or cook yourself your favourite meal. Learn to enjoy your own company. If you do, everyone else will too.
Remember that you are awesome…
becoming even more awesome and that the way you feel now will not last forever. This is just the bit that comes before things get amazing. The kinder and more true to yourself you are now, the better it will be in the end. If it’s difficult, at least you know that your soul is growing and that you’re becoming even stronger than before. You can do this.
About the author
Rebecca Campbell is author of the new Hay House book Light Is The New Black: A Guide to Answering Your Soul’s Callings and Working Your Light. She is a grounded intuitive spiritual mentor, practical intuitive guide, inspirational speaker and teacher. She writes every week over at her website and teaches regularly in London.