How to let go of someone

“But it’s all you have ever wanted” – the words that echo around our heads whilst we anxiously debate a decision that has the power to change everything. Maybe it was what you always wanted, or maybe it’s what you thought you did; those are two very different things.

I fell head over heels in love with someone, or at least the closest thing to it, at the age of 16. It was one of those silly, messy, unreachable, long distance crushes that should have ended after we gave it a go and he broke my heart all those years ago. But, we never quite put it to bed.

Sometimes when you meet someone that special, they are a lot harder to let go of than you’d think. Even after all of the tears and heartache they caused you, weeks turned into years of not talking to each other, but you still find your way back to one another. That unbreakable connection surely means what you had was so special; it was just timing and the other trivial life factors that were getting in your way; that’s why it didn’t work out.

So what happens when after five years you try and rekindle a flame as old as this one; with so much history and so many tears shed? In your head, you think you are still those same two people that fell for each other all those years ago.

You can imagine my confusion when we met up recently – five years since we first met and one year since we last saw each other – and the fact that those feelings that I expected simply didn’t come flooding back. All I felt was a faint nostalgia for what we once had, and a deep sadness that for the first time I’d realized it was gone. I could see my 16-year-old self-bouncing up and down, like ‘go girl, you got the guy!’ as I was in the process of fulfilling everything she had ever wished for, but the 20-year-old me wasn’t so sure.

But why? I had convinced myself for years that he was it, that what we had was everything I wanted, but it wasn’t. Sure, it was when I was 16, but since then I realized it had become a safety blanket. Sometimes we can let the fear of never finding something so special again stop us from moving on and trying, instead relying on what we have always known.

It’s OK to question what you want in life. You may think you have it all mapped out and have an exact image in your head of that one person you want or even your dream career, but remember it’s OK to change your mind.

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When he asked me to essentially drop everything to commit to something that I realized I wasn’t ready for, I realized that he still saw me as that 16-year-old girl, who was so very smitten, naïve and would do anything he asked.

One of the hardest things in life is accepting that you have changed. The rug is pulled from beneath your feet when you suddenly realize that something must have changed since everything you thought you ever wanted is being offered on a plate, and there you are, turning it down.

You have grown, you have changed and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. You have no time to settle back into the bad habits that your 16-year-old self hadn’t quite grown out of yet.

Sure it’s sad to let something so special go, but how can we move on to bigger and better things if we are still clutching on to our past? After all, you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Never ever apologize for realizing what you want, or perhaps what you don’t want. That person can, and will always hold a special place in your heart – but as a memory from the past, not part of your future. No one can expect you to be the same person you were several years ago – life is about growing, progressing and developing, not waiting around for that one person to finally tell you that they’re ready. Sometimes that ship has sailed, and one day you’ll look back and be thankful that you weren’t on it.

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Where Most People Struggle with Letting Go

Many people jump into the Law of Attraction and fully commit to using it…for a few days. They expect to see results instantly.

But within a week, they start thinking negatively, wondering why they aren't seeing results, wondering what they're doing wrong… Feelings of desperation, hopelessness, doubt, and fear creep in.

They'll go back and try some more with the Law of Attraction, alternating between hoping to see results and moments of negativity, fear and doubt.

They're so attached to their desire that they forget to let go.

how to let go

How will Letting Go Work for You?

If you've followed every step of the Law of Attraction and you still haven't manifest your desire…

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If you've tried thinking positively and the Law of Attraction still isn't working…

If you believe your desire will manifest and you're just not seeing it happen…

Let go. Positive change is on its way.

If you want more information on letting go and the Law of Attraction, you might also like:

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Accept That It’s Time to Let Go

never-say-in-a-relationshipFighting has become routine, the relationship has a never-ending push-pull negativity factor, and you want to go but “something” is stopping you.

Maybe it’s time to address what that “something” is.

Usually, you will discover it has nothing to do with your lover at all.

When you ask yourself why you stay, does the response begin with “I’m afraid…”? Afraid of dying alone, no one else will accept [blank] about me–these are all fear-based notions and not at all realistic.

Waiting and hoping for things to stay as good as they once were is NO way to experience a relationship.

Accepting that you aren’t growing as a person and living your life to its fullest will be the prerequisite of letting go of the person who you know isn’t right for you.

While this person may not necessarily be a bad person, they just aren’t good for you anymore.

Re-define Love, Not The Toxic Version You’ve Accepted

Addiction, passion, and obsession with a person equal intensity, but they do not equal love.

When you’re with the wrong person for too long how you perceive love changes and you start settling.

You used to want a love that sets your soul on fire, an adventure buddy, someone who knows your goals and pushes you towards them, and now you’re glad if they even remember your anniversary.

Remember all the promises you’ve kept to yourself?

All the things you swore you wouldn’t tolerate?

It’s time to keep them and stand your ground.

The pain of loss and separation won’t last forever.

But the regret of staying with the wrong person is an unforgivable amount of time lost.

Give yourself time to heal from the relationship.

If you jump right back into another one, you may carry over the bad habits and low expectations from your damaged one.

Give love and yourself a fair chance by waiting.

Step Outside of Your Own Story

It’s easy to stay in it if you’re always in it. Imagine the relationship you need to let go of, now picture it’s your sisters or your best friends situation instead of your own.

What advice would you give to this person you care about?

Would you shake them and tell them to wake up and move on?!

Let this serve as insight into what you need to tell yourself.

Once you’re inside the story, it’s easy to create a fantasy filled with hopeful dialogue and dreams of change.

This internal storyline makes you see the person who isn’t right for you as what you want them to be instead of who they really are. But time proves over and over again that these ideals aren’t happening any time soon.

There is an entire life outside of this relationship. And a tell-tale sign that you’re not with the right person, is the fact that you’ve forgotten about that life.

Create a List

Many times we feel something isn’t right but don’t take action.

Letting go a person that’s not good for you will rely mostly on you convincing yourself of enough reason.

Create a list of everything you think you love about this person.

“They’re my soulmate, twin flame, best friend, passionate lover…etc” then read over it a few times.

You will soon see these ideas that surrounded what you thought of this person and your relationship start to break down.

Because if this were all true, would you be having that pit in your stomach nudging you to let go?

Set Standards Like a High-Value Human

Picture your life with this person in 3 months, 1 year, 10 years.

What do you see?

Are crying over the same old thing?

Are you constantly feeling let down and disappointed?

The longer you continue to allow yourself to stay with a person that’s not good for you your self-esteem will be driven further and further into the ground.

Your capacity to enjoy life will be determined by your capacity to love yourself.

Is throwing all that away for the wrong person, worth it?

Stop All Contact

Once you’ve internalized acceptance and self-worth, you’re ready to stop all contact with this person.

In the modern world on breaking-up many people still text occasionally or follow each other on social media.

You will not do this.

You are on a 6-month detox–no candy allowed.

Eventually, the desire to contact this person will fade as your self-love grows.

Stay strong.

You’re worth it!

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