Alright guys, let’s talk about how to get out of the friend zone. You’re faced with the dreaded dilemma: The girl you’re totally into has no idea that you stay up all night thinking about her.
She says, “You’re like a brother to me.” You force a smile while cringing inwardly.
This is the friend zone. Few things are more painful for a man than spending time with your crush when it’s not the kind of quality time that will lead you anywhere near where you want to be with her: in a real relationship.
Fear not. You do not have to settle for something platonic when you want more and are prepared to give more.
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What, Exactly, is the Friend Zone?:
Simply put, the friend zone is a state of unrequited love. You’re attracted to her. You want to touch her, hold her, and call her yours. But, she sees you as BFF, and nothing more:
She talks to you about other guys she’s into like it doesn’t kill you inside. At worst, you do things a boyfriend would do for her without actually being her boyfriend: You help her move. You’re her shoulder to cry on.
You tell yourself you do all these things for her because you’re a nice guy, and you are. But, the intention behind your attention is not translating.
For guys, the friend zone is the frustrating result of poor communication.
To understand how to get out of the friend zone, you’ve got to keep in mind that for women, it’s different. To girls, the friend zone is comfortable. They see you as safe and dependable. Your lukewarm initiative meets her lukewarm response.
Gentlemen, it’s simply a matter of turning on the heat. Forget about “not wanting to ruin the friendship.” One more day of pretending that that’s all you want is like lying to yourself and to her.
Commit to your true feelings for her and communicate that you have. She will respond. She will also respect your courage and honesty.
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: 6 Steps
Getting out of the friend zone is important for your sanity. Always holding back your feelings while pretending to be “just a friend” is exhausting. When you hold back, people around you feel that tension. It’s not attractive.
Leaving the friend zone behind is part of personal integrity and living in your truth. If you feel it, say it. It’s a form of self-respect, and there is nothing hotter than that.
Although we can all relate, there is nothing exciting about the fear of rejection. Fear is boring. You deserve more than to wallow in it.
You’ve also got to see this as bigger than whether or not your crush reciprocates. Sure, there is a slight chance that you’re just not her type. Can you be okay with that, and still give getting out of the friend zone all you’ve got?
You’re not risking your dignity for her. You’re committing to your own personal growth. This is the definition of strength and the mark of a true man.
Here are our 6 surefire steps for how to get out of the friend zone:
Step 1: Flirt With Her
We flirt to show we want to deepen the connection. It is a crucial part of getting yourself out of the friend zone. Anyone can do it with the right mindset.
Here are the 3 key points for how to flirt with a girl:
1.Make Eye Contact:
Your eyes hold the power of your presence. Use them to tell your girl that 110% of your attention is on her.
2. Smile at Her:
When you’re around her, she makes you feel like a million bucks. That pure positivity needs to radiate from your smile. You’ve got to commit to your smile with such consistent, unselfconscious confidence that she can’t help but feel warm inside.
3. Use Touch Intentionally:
Well-timed touch is going to be your most powerful signal. Touch her arm or elbow. A protective hand at the small of her back when out and about is a distinctly masculine gesture that speaks volumes.
Step 2: Text Her
Letting a girl know you’re thinking of her throughout the day is a must for getting yourself out of the dreaded friend zone.
Here are 2 options for how to text a girl:
Option 1: Send Her Flirty Texts
Be playful with a little light teasing. Add a winking face emoticon to let her know you’re playing.
Call her by a cute nickname. Text her: “If you were an animal, what would you be and why?” Boom. Instant nickname.
Here are some other flirty texts for her: “I can’t sleep. I blame you.” “What does your week look like? Any room for me?”
“I was just talking about you the other day.”
How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone?
If you want a woman you’re obsessed with and can’t stop thinking about, then you’ve got to move on.
If you’re thinking about her all the time you’re probably acting different around her. Trying to impress her, going out of your way to compliment her. Not being true to who you really are. Pretending to be someone else.
There are some girls that like this level of pursuit, but I promise they’re not the best dating material (as soon as you run out of energy to be their insecurity medication things will go downhill fast).
Stop being needy. Putting a woman you’re merely friends with on a pedestal comes off as needy. And you don’t want to be that guy. I guarantee you that she is turned off by that. She’ll never want to become more than friends with a needy boy.
Women want a secure man. Acting insecure—acting so obsessed with her she doesn’t see that you find value inherent in yourself—is not attractive.
A woman wants a man who doesn’t need them—but wants them anyway. Jerks often appear to fit this role, but actually are just jerks.
Listen—nice guys don’t have to finish last. It’s not just the jerks that get the girl.
Insecurity is what creates the Friend Zone. One insecure person tries to latch onto the other. And that insecurity drives them away. Think about it—have you ever dated a girl that needed your attention all the time? Did you feel smothered? Were you afraid to commit and continue being with this person? A relationally healthy woman feels no different.
Here’s how the common “Friends Zone” scenario usually goes:
1. Guy really wants a girlfriend.
2. He’s too afraid (insecure) to ask anyone out.
3. He rarely goes on dates and is not building his confidence.
4. Guy becomes friends with a beautiful girl. His eyes are opened, and he sees this as an opportunity. He hopes that sustained friendship with this woman will somehow “morph” into a relationship inadvertently.
5. He sticks around doing boyfriendy stuff for his “friend.”
6. She senses his insecurity, and he never makes a confident move to communicate his desire to pursue something more with her. He waits, and she starts feeling awkward. By the time he finally gets the guts to ask her out, she sees them as “just friends” and doesn’t want to date.
If you’re stuck in this boat, is there an actual way out? Does someone know how to get out of the friend zone?
Yes. It IS possible.
You must TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.
And there are merely three options I would encourage any guy to pursue.
I’ve read a number of other writers on the subject of how to get out of the friend zone. You can look them up. They’ll give you manipulative tricks to try to get a person’s attention, or act withdrawn and do little things to change their perception of you. I don’t encourage you to back off and pretend to be disinterested to win a woman. That’s not winsome at all. It’s a game, and men shouldn’t be in that game at all.
2. Scarcity—Become Less Available
I don’t encourage this as a manipulation tactic. I encourage you, if you’re wondering how to get of the friend zone, to make yourself scarcer and less available. Don’t meet the lady in question’s “boyfriend” needs. Don’t buy her gifts and always be available to bail her out of trouble. Don’t always be ready and willing for her to vent to you.
Expand your network. Find other friends. Go out with other women and talk about who you’re attracted to. Show her that she’s not the only person in the world, and that there are others that want a piece of you.
The idea of “scarcity” is that people value what they miss, what they can’t have right in front of them at a whim. I think men especially understand this—we sometimes don’t understand what we had until it’s gone.
Before we proceed, first understand; what is friend zone?
A relation in which you over qualify and excel as a friend but do not fit-in as a partner. It’s a situation when one person wants a relationship but the other doesn’t.
You meet someone of the opposite sex, befriend her and fall for her, but she doesn’t feel this way. You still whirl around hoping “One Day” she will, but no matter how hard you try, you feel forever stuck in the friend zone. Here is the video explaining it the best:-
SOURCE:- Casually explained
How to avoid friend zone:
“Prevention is always better than cure“. It stands true when it comes to friend zone. Always try to avoid it before you start seeking ways to get out of it. If anytime you fall victim for above-mentioned alerts, then hold your horses right there.
1. Be truthful with your feelings for her
If you have started developing feelings for her, then be blunt about it. Don’t make her feel like a friend. Don’t over think; how she will react, what if you lose her.
Accept the fact you didn’t approach her because you wanted to be her friend. So stop portraying yourself as her friend. If you still continue to do that, then don’t blame her for the situation you will arrive at.
2. Don’t give her hints that you are okay in being friends too
Come on! if you are okay in being just her friend, then why you are exploring the way to get out of it and to avoid it. As I said; be straightforward and blunt about your feelings. Don’t be an “okay in everything” guy. It’s either black or white. That’s it.
You need to move on if being a friend is creating inner conflicts and you don’t see any hope to slip your heart into her.
3. Stop being her girl-friend
Stop being her girl-friend hoping you will explore a way of her heart. This is not going to happen.
This is a suicide. Don’t be a guy who:
- doesn’t mind joining gossip sessions with her.
- love to carry handbags when she shops.
- always keep his heart on sleeves and brain at home.
- can point out the difference between; brick-red and blood-red nail paints.
4. Control your emotions and thoughts
Don’t show your cards in one go. Learn to control your thoughts and emotions, don’t let your heart pour everything out. Stop riding on a wild brain the moment you find that you aren’t able to divert emotions towards a right direction.
Always keep space for right amount of maturity and practicality, don’t get overstuffed with emotions. Get a clear picture of your situation and chances before igniting a lamp of love in yourself.
Things Discussed In This Episode
- My personal experience with the “friend zone”
- Albert Einstein and Insanity
- The importance of the no contact rule
- What NC does with the emotional support your ex may be seeking
- How to reverse friend zone your ex
- Sending mixed signals
- The girl who gets the guy has to be willing to lose the guy
Rule #2: Going for the kiss without physically escalating is stupid.
There is no metaphorical reference to explain this one, because it’s just stupid. Seduction, broken down, is escalation. As a lover, you must seduce. If you want to be a friend and let your relationships play to chance, that’s fine. If you want to dictate your own reality and get the women you desire, you must escalate.
Escalation starts from the second that you shake each others hands. I could write an entire article on physical escalation, but if you’re interested in the proper way get in contact with me via email and I’ll send you a message with some tips.
Going for the kiss at the end of the date has a possibility of working; if the proper escalation and connection is present. However oftentimes it is predictable and this gives her rational mind time to work out the positives and negatives of letting you kiss her when you drop her off. However, as a dictator of your own reality, if you kiss her whenever you feel like it, her rational mind has no time to work it out and it just happens. … And that, is how it’s supposed to happen. It isn’t supposed to be meticulous, it’s supposed to just happen. So make it happen! Middle of the date, near the end of the date, whenever you feel like you’ve escalated to that point.
- The difference between lovers and friends is a physical connection. You can get along with her, that’s great. If there is no physical connection, there is no sexual tension and thus, no need to release the sexual tension. Connection without physical contact = let’s just be friends.
- Going for the kiss without escalating is stupid. Never, never, never just decide to go for the kiss to see what happens. Set yourself up. Stretch, warm up and then pump the heavy weights. Going for the kiss isn’t always smooth, but give yourself the best chance of success by escalating towards it.
- It’s not the quantity of touch, but the quality. Touching her softly and slowly twice is a lot more effective than being abrupt and rash ten times with your touch. Make touch sensual, make her enjoy it. Don’t take this to the extreme and pet them like a creep, staring at their arm while you softly caress it, but the point exists.
Don’t be scared, fellas. The next time you’re on a date: escalate. I promise you, she will not say “hey, don’t touch my arm.” The best part about escalation is that she won’t know it’s happening once you make it natural and congruent to your style. My recommendation, especially if you’re just trying this out, touch too much. It’s like throwing a football; when I first learned to throw a football I would aim to overthrow and I would hit my target almost every time. The same lies with physical touch; when you aim to over touch, as a guy who doesn’t touch at all, often times you will land right on the mark. If not, your gut instinct will tell you if you’ve gone over the line. (“Hey! Get your hands off my ass.”)
Remember, there are no negatives to escalating. The worst she can do is say no. She’ll appreciate you more for being a man and going for what you want and her saying no, then you not having the sack to do anything at all. Men make moves regardless of circumstance, mice sit back and let the chips fall into place and hope for the best.
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