I was talking to one of my friends recently, and she said something that really surprised me.
“Oh god, I don’t know how to flirt or be a flirt with women.”
What shocked me wasn’t the sentiment—lots of us feel this way—it’s that this friend is a HUGE FLIRT. It’s her default state of being. She is always touching people; her eye contract is deep and steady; she gushes and knows how to compliment sincerely; she’s excitable, friendly, and magnanimous; she also plays with her hair constantly and is incredibly curious about even the most mundane topics. One time she even picked a flower for me! A flower from the earth! It was adorable.
And yet, she thinks she doesn’t know how to flirt.
I thought, if she’s “bad” at it, we’re all doomed.
Then I remembered that so many of us feel clueless, confused, unsure of what we’re doing, and scared to offend people, especially those we find attractive.
How do we change this? How do we reverse these untrue beliefs about ourselves that act as barriers to getting to know people? What makes someone a “good” or “bad” flirt, anyway? Why do we do it at all? What are some ways people show interest, physically and verbally, and how we can get better at recognizing it?
These are the questions we’ll focus on in this post. Let’s break it down.
Women tend to be more subtle
Studies show that women underestimate how much people are flirting with them, while men, perhaps unsurprisingly, overestimate. People flirt for fun, for sex, for exploration, and even for transactional reasons (i.e. to get something from someone). We’ll talk more about this below, but for now, all you need to know is this: flirting is playful interaction.
On a physical level, this can take a few different forms. It can be:
- Playful touching: The shoulder, elbow, and forearm are considered the safest areas to touch a stranger. A brief, well-timed knee touch can also work, especially for stories where you’re at the “you won’t believe what happened next” part. And never underestimate the power of the high-five.
- Eye contact: The all-powerful gesture returns! Looking at someone—including gazing, lingering, glancing, looking-then-looking-away—is probably the most underrated (yet most obvious) sign that someone is into you. In fact, a study showed that two minutes of eye gazing—looking each other in the eye—led research participants, who were strangers, to report increased feelings of affection. Have you been practicing your eye contact? If not, get on it!
- Mirroring: This is when we adopt the postures and mannerisms of the person we’re speaking to. We do this unconsciously, but if you want to ramp up connection, try to subtly mimic the person you’re flirting with. The key is subtlety. If your partner feels like you’re parroting her, it’ll backfire. So, for instance, when she takes a drink, wait 15 seconds, then take a drink of yours. If she crosses her legs, wait a minute, then consider crossing your legs, too. It also helps if you repeat some of the exact words and phrases that she’s said. Therapists are MASTERS at this. It can feel a little weird at first, but mirroring speech does wonders for making people feel heard and understood.
- Invade their space: According to one expert, to test the flirting waters, you should step into someone’s “personal space,” aka the invisible area that’s about 18 inches around someone’s body. Try to find a reason to enter their personal bubble briefly—say, by stepping close to let someone else pass, or to pick a piece of lint of their shirt—then step out of their bubble. “If this person is drawn to you, he or she will respond by stepping in closer after you’ve backed off.” Note: If you’re in a crowded space, this won’t really work because everyone is invading your personal space.
Best Ways to Tease and Flirt with a Girl
===> Click here to read the “Small Talk Tactics” report which explains in detail Flirting Tips to make conversations more sexy, fun, and flirtatious. And immediately learn how to flirt with a woman.
Here is are some flirting tips I learned as began to pay attention to more and more men who were successful with women….
Most of them aren’t that funny.
Most of them have an average sense of humor just like you and me.
The difference is they don’t depend on being “funny” to flirt with women.
They naturally understood something that took me years to figure out…
…Flirting isn’t being “funny.”
Learning How to Flirt with a Girl
I was standing near behind an extremely hot woman waiting to order a drink. She was sipping a mixed drink from astraw. Something made her laugh and she blew into the glass and the drink poured out.
I wanted to talk to this girl so I desperately searched my mind for something witty to say. I drew a blank.
So instead of forcing something unfunny or awkward, I waited for the exact moment she looked up at me and our eyes met, and simply shook my head back and forth and gave her one those looks that says “Can’t take you anywhere.”
She then turned to her friends and started chatting with them. I squeezed in to order my drink. My mind, still trained to make the same mistakes I talked about earlier, is now racing to find something funny to follow up with.
While the bartender was handing me my drink, one of her friends turned and asked me some question. I then turned into the group of three girls. I said something that made the group laugh. I then caught eyes with the one I was interested in and gave her subtle look that said “don’t spill it this time.”
The girl was a little tipsy. Not stupid drunk, but buzzed enough to know she was a little drunk. Later in the conversation she starts telling me a story about something that had happened to her the night before. She is excited about the story and talking quite fast. She trips over a word or two.
I then give her a look similar to the Rock’s eyebrow raise. Not a blatant eye brow raise, but a look that says “you lost me sweetie.”
She then slapped my chest and said “stop it”
And its on.
What I learned during that interaction was that flirting is just as much non verbal as it is verbal.
#1 Technique to Creating Massive Sexual Tension with a Girl (even if she only sees you as a friend)
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3 Key Flirting Tips With Women
There were three key factors I discovered about how to flirt that night that quickly took my game to the next level. And I want to share these flirting tips with you:
- Facial expressions and glances
Every interaction has a beat. And once you learn to get in tune with the beat of an interaction, your social intelligence will appear to sky rocket. The great stand up comedians have mastered the art of timing. Rent videos of some of the all time greats… and study how they use timing.
When the woman at the bar spilled her drink I waited for the right moment. I didn’t rush to make a comment, making my interest too apparent. And I didn’t wait until later to use it as a joke. I simply waited for the inevitable moment that our eyes met, and subtly shook my head. She smiled.
And the dance began.
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I hope by reading this you’re encouraged to go out there and create these “sexual communications” with women, without waiting for the perfect thing to say.
Flirting with women is a skill you must learn if you want to seduce them. But, there are more than one ways to skin a cat. These are some of the best flirting tips I can give you.
I highly recommend you check out Make Small Talk Sexy where I give further flirting tips, and give many verbal ways to have more fun, flirtatious, and sexual conversations with women. It will give you a crash course education in how to flirt.
Now when you talk to a woman in a way that attracts her you’ll begin to notice that women will:
- Make excuses to keep talking to you
- Touch you more (putting her hand under your shirt, or feeling your muscles)
- Getting jealous when you talk to other girls
- Laughing at your jokes (even the ones that aren’t that funny)
- Leaning in and grinding up against you
20 Signs a Girl Is Flirting with You
Download the Free 27 Page Small Talk Tactics Report
If you want to see a sample of some of things you’re going to learn read though “How to Talk to Women:Make Small Talk Sexy”
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The one thing I want to leave you with is: Learning how to flirt and get good with girls, so that you can attract them, get the kiss, get them back to your bedroom and close the deal… it’s easier than you think.
Hope you enjoyed these flirting tips.