Your Taurus moon is 100% the reason why you keep flaking on going out in favor of Netflix binging in your sweatpants. Taurus moons need stability, comfort, affection, and beauty which is why getting yourself a gorgeous fuckboy who wants to stay in and tell you how pretty you are all day is an absolute must. Sorry men with other priorities, it’s not you. It’s the moon.
People say you’re needy, but you’re just a Cancer moon. This means you need nurturing, safety, family, and lots and lots of comfort food. See! That’s why you can’t stick to a diet to save your life. It has nothing to do with a lack of self control. Nothing at all.
Everyone in your office is so over your long, bulleted emails and OCD desk organization, but it’s not your fault you need order in your life. Your coworkers can leave all their side-eying and passive aggressive comments to themselves because you’re totally not a bitch. You’re a Virgo.
Wow, congrats betches. Your moon makes you “innately optimistic, expansive, and positive in your point of view.” Honestly I’m impressed. People might get pissed at your rosy outlook, but fuck the haters. You’re doing amazing, sweetie. Just like, don’t talk to me when I’m hungover.
Scorpio moons need privacy, intensity, and strong sexual chemistry, so it makes perfect sense that you hook up with and dump a new guy every damn day of the week. Sure, some people may call you a slut or a skank, but you’re just fulfilling your soul’s destiny by lining up as many eligible dudes as possible and then kicking them to the curb so you can hang at home alone. What’s so wrong with that?
All of your friends have unfollowed you on Facebook because of your compulsion to post long political statuses with 200+ comments, but you can’t help it. Aquarius moons literally need to subvert the powers that be, and have you seen the powers that be lately? Sorry, but somebody’s gotta clog your feed with news about the healthcare bill, and that person is you.